From Olivia, “We need prayers. Anything helps. Over the past month I have watched everything I care about, be broken by this disease. Over the past many weeks I have gone to 4 different hospitals, and been admitted into each of them. I have suffered through 16 shoulder reductions, 4 long term hospitalizations, 1 icu admit, 3 surgeries, and 13 needs for moderate sedation. I have relied on a tube to be able to relieve my bladder. I’ve needed countless iv treatments to maintain any realm of stable. And I have watched almost every vein in my arm become incapable of being poked again for blood or iv’s. At this point I feel like I can’t be noticed for anything but a drug addict as my arms have so many needle tracts that I’m predominantly purple. Last night I finally required a line be placed above my bicep to be able to receive the medications to anesthetize me long enough to put my shoulder back into socket. To scale that up for size it was a 4 inch long needle, a 8 inch catheter, placed in a major vein over an inch below my skin, mind you this is after having a surgery that morning for a completely different issue. I am so sick that I go from my home with John, to what is essentially an adult daycare at my parents. They care for me while my incredibly strong fiancé goes to work. He picks me up from my parents and signs back on for overnight duty of my care. Today I just ate for the first time in almost 48 hours and John and I have been awake for almost 36 hours straight. I feel like I’m taking away a happy life from him. He is doing everything for me. I am too weak to drive myself anywhere, walk without assistance, or take care of my appearance. I now require medical marijuana just to be able to tolerate being awake. I have gotten almost no relief from the pain meds given to me- at the hospital, and have since been cut off from almost all of them entirely for risk of respiratory depression. I have watched doctors say to my face, that if they give me any more I could die. And yet, I wish that they would try anyways. I am beyond my breaking point. I have trouble finding any happiness or excitement. We have so much to look forward too and I honestly just don’t want to suffer long enough to get there. I can’t help but feel like I am ruining the lives of the people around me. I’ve lost every possible opportunity to accomplish goals. I have no motivation to go to school, I lost my job for requesting a leave of absence for a surgery, and I am too ashamed to complete any forms for unemployment. I am a complete burden to the people taking care of me. All I can think about is how i’m ruining their life, by relying on them. I have watched them tire and cry just as much as me, yet they have held it together better than I can. I envy the people on my 600 lb life, because they are taking this need for help a hell of a lot better than I am. After returning home after essentially 2 straight weeks, I see that John has payed my half of the rent, has been surviving off ramen and McDonald’s for nutrients, and has tried his best to replenish our very empty fridge. He is so exhausted and I can’t promise him rest. I wish I was taking care of and providing for him. This is not the way it was supposed to be bug…. I’m so sorry; I can’t express how I have failed you for everything I am putting you through. I hope that this post has touched people enough to pray and cherish you as much as you do for me. Please hug your families tighter, and cherish health when it is there. I ask you pray for any semblance of relief for us right now. I could use any light our surroundings have. Bless each of you for reading this. All my love”