Keirstien & Clayton Walker

Keristien- “I honestly don’t even know how to put this into words, but I feel like our baby deserves to be talked about, loved, and remembered. Wednesday, I went to my OB’s urgent care because I was having concerns about a possible blood clot in my foot. With having two different blood-clotting disorders, it was something we couldn’t ignore. They weren’t able to do an X-ray because they didn’t have the equipment available, but my left foot is most likely broken. But then came the moment that changed everything. When they went to check on our baby, they couldn’t find a heartbeat. We were sent for an ultrasound, praying and hoping that somehow they were wrong. But they weren’t. Our baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks and 3 days. Just about a week and a half after our last appointment. A week and a half ago, we were still talking about our baby, watching our baby grow, dreaming about who they would become, and imagining the life we were going to have together. Our NIPT had come back clear. We had every reason to believe everything was okay. Our doctor believes the loss may have been caused by me becoming overheated during the heat advisories we had, but honestly, there is no explanation that makes this hurt any less. There is no way to prepare your heart for being told that your baby is gone. We are completely and utterly devastated. And there is something else that we need to say—not because we are angry, but because we need our baby to be understood and remembered. When we are eventually blessed with our rainbow baby, please, please don't say, “I hope it’s a boy.” We know those comments will come from a place of love and excitement. We know people mean no harm by them. But for Clayton and me, those words carry a pain that is difficult to explain. Because we already have a boy. He is our son. He just happens to be an angel instead of being here in our arms. We got to hold him. We got to love him. We got to dream about him. We got to know that he was ours. He mattered. His life mattered. His short time with us mattered. And he will always be a part of our family. Our rainbow baby will never replace him. There will never be a day when we stop loving him, missing him, or remembering that he was here. We will carry him with us for the rest of our lives. So when that day comes and we are blessed with another baby, please remember that we aren't hoping for a boy or a girl. We are hoping for a healthy baby. We are hoping for the chance to bring our baby home. We are hoping to hold a living, breathing baby in our arms and experience the joy we thought we were going to have this time. And we are hoping that our little angel will be watching over their little brother or sister from Heaven. We wouldn't wish this pain on our worst enemy. There is a completely different kind of heartbreak that comes from having to say goodbye to a baby you were supposed to watch grow up. Our home feels different. Our hearts feel different. We feel different. We are grieving the baby we lost, the future we had already started imagining, the milestones we will never get to see, and all the memories we will never get the chance to make. Please keep Clayton, me, and our entire family in your thoughts and prayers. Please pray for us Thursday, pray for our hearts, pray for our healing, and pray for our little angel. We may not get to raise our baby here on Earth, but we will spend the rest of our lives making sure they know just how deeply they were loved. You were wanted.You were loved.You were ours.You mattered.And you will never, ever be forgotten. Until we meet again, sweet baby. 🕊️🤍 Thank you to everyone who has loved us, prayed for us, checked on us, and supported us through this unimaginable time. We may not have the strength to respond to everyone right now, but please know that every prayer, every message, and every bit of love means more to us than you will ever know. 🤍”