This GiveInKind page has been created for me and my little family as I am navigating through a tough time in my life right now. Just a brief history of what's going on: On January 17th, 2024, I lost my father unexpectedly. I moved to Las Vegas temporarily which is where my father lived all of his life, he had spent close to 30 years behind bars but we were extremely close. I received letters from him every single day, sometimes more than one letter a day, I spoke to him on the phone and traveled to Las Vegas by plane, starting at the age of 2 and all throughout my childhood. I would stay with my grandmother and she would take me to see my father. Although seeing him in prison, it was still the highlight of my childhood. I felt loved by him and never once judged. I never felt that way with anyone else. My father was the only one who ever told me that he was proud of me. Losing him was the hardest thing I'd ever gone through; set aside from the kidnapping of my son, Noah. Realizing that if I ever got married he wouldn't be the one to walk me down the aisle, was probably the hardest part of it all, along with the fact that I would never be able to pick up the phone and call him and speak to him ever again. I can still hear his voice right now saying, "What's up daughtaaaaa!?" Oh how I miss him. Dad, you are my everything and I love you and hope you made it to Heaven. I think of you every single day and need you more than ever. I'm so lost and confused and you always knew how to put a smile on my face. I wish you were still here with me and your grandsons. After living in Las Vegas for about a year, we moved back to California and since then, everything has just spiraled out of control and has not been easy for me at all. I am homeless and staying in a motel through the housing program ran by the county. They pay for a certain amount of days and my last day here is the 24th of this month (July). Where am I going after this? I honestly have no idea. I work from home but being a single mother isn't easy when you have so much going on and you're doing it all on your own. I work as much as I can without getting to the point of feeling like I'm neglecting my toddler who needs my love and attention. Luckily he just started head start and is doing amazing. This week is actually the first week that he has gone for a full day, today being the very first day! So proud of him. Now I feel I can give more time to my work. But we will see I am also working on getting my case heard in Federal Court for the kidnapping of one of my children as I mentioned above, Noah. He was taken from me and I have fought for help since the very day that he was taken, April 12th, 2012. I am trying to stay as strong as I can for my other children but a piece of me is gone and the physical feeling from that is deathly. I feel like there is a black hole in the center of my core. I can feel when my son thinks about me, misses me, talks about me, and needs me. It has not been an easy task navigating through this life without him. His brothers need him and miss him. It's definitely been challenging for me to handle all of the legal work myself but I am financially unable to retain an attorney to help with my section 1983 case. And honestly, I do not trust anyone when it comes to this case. I don't feel I will find anyone who will fight for me when it comes to this case better than I am. I have also been dealing with health issues and have had to change doctors recently in hopes that we can get down to the bottom of what's going on with me. I know that I have a lesion on my liver, a mass in the center of my upper abdomen, directly underneath my esophagus, and a burning sensation in my upper left quadrant of my abdomen and feel a lump as well. Doctors have also told me they found something in my throat but yet I still have no answers whatsoever. I had a sinus infection for a little over 10 months-after two weeks of having a sinus infection is considered chronic. Whether it has traveled to my brain or caused other permanent and lasting issues, I have yet to find out. My physical health is a huge concern of mine because I am all about finding any issues early on so that hopefully there's still a chance at living a long, healthy life with my children. Everything has been prolonged and stretched out and time is passing me by without those answers. My mental health is declining on top of my physical health and I worry that time really is running out for me. I have had to see a Gastroenterologist, Enterologist, had colonoscopy and endoscopy done but never received answers except for being told that they found something in my throat and told that I have masses but no explanation, switched providers to hopefully receive a second opinion that included a proper diagnosis rather than continuing to be disregarded and ignored. From filing grievances and complaints to making phone calls after phone calls and sending email after email, regarding my health and my legal struggles, searching for a home for my boys and soon to be daughter and myself-my little family, and not having any family or family support as it is, is killing me. Balancing my toddler, and my oldest son who is 17, on top of being 19 weeks pregnant, while trying to work and navigate the legal system and fight for justice, and make it to all of mine and my children's appointments, is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Being able to put food in my children's tummies is becoming a challenge also, I do receive food stamps but it just is not enough and staying in a hotel it's hard cooking meals and I more or less have only a microwave to hear things up. I don't remember the last time I made a home-cooked meal. Providing the necessities that my children and I need is hard right now but I do manage. It would just be extremely helpful to completely pull myself out of this rut and be able to give my children everything that they need. I feel I am letting them down and see myself as a failure. They deserve more than I've given and more than I'm able to give them. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. There has to be more to life than this. I created this page so that I can tell my story, and ask for help because I know that closed mouths do not get fed. I have to swallow any pride that I might have and think about my children, who need me more than anyone else ever will. I am doing this for them, they deserve to have a life without worry, fear, instability, depression, anxiety, heartbreak, confusion, sadness, and pain. I will even work for any help that I'm able to receive. You tell me what you need me to do, and I will do it. I am my children's mother, I am all that they have. If something were to happen to me, I don't have family or friends to take my children in. They would all go to the system. I cannot allow that to happen. I need to stay as healthy as I can for them and the anxiety that comes from all of this is gut wrenching and debilitating. I feel I am deteriorating day by day. This is a brief look into my life and what I'm going through. Please do not feel any pity for me, do not apologize, it is ultimately up to me to get us through this situation and that is exactly what I will continue to work towards each and every day. So at this given time, I am asking if anyone has the ability and desire to offer any support, guidance, reassurance, and even love to my children and I, I would spend the rest of my life showing you just how appreciative I am. I am a humble person who has put others needs before my own my whole life, now is the time for me to put myself first and go after my dreams, goals, and everything that I deserve. I am working towards: -Finding a stable home for my children and I. -Finding answers into my health issues. -Becoming financially stable and secure for my families future. -Completing my college degree at Southern New Hampshire University-I am going for my Bachelor's of Science in Forensic Psychology and will go to law school once I've completed. -Overcoming my mental health issues so that I can find my peace and happiness again. -Loving myself. -Preparing for the birth of my daughter who will enter this world in just about 4 months! 🩷 -Making my children proud.♥️ Thank you all. Feel free to contact me with any questions, concerns, or comments at anytime! -Christina 🌹