Domestic violence survivor

Was married to my son‘s father who was a cheater, liar and impulsive liar tried to leave in the first time and I got hurt bad not only that he got my father involved and wanted to speak with my father one day and ask my dad to ride with him Because I had left him. He was looking for me so my dad called me that he was in the car with him losing his mind and he said he was driving reckless because he wanted to know where I was. They ended up getting an accident and crashed into a tree… literally six months later my father ended up dying from brain hemorrhage did not know that he had a slow leak in his brain. He never went to the ER and I regret it still to this day. I am currently still living in the area where this man is still free because my father dropped the charges for him later which we all regret. Now my mom lost her husband a 53 years and I feel so bad because I feel like it’s my fault. This man still continues to stalk us. He’s been taking me to court fighting to have visitation, but has been denied due to the domestic violence history I have a restraining order against him that the judge approved, but I’m trying to relocate and get out of this area for good take me and my son. I just don’t have the funds to do anything. The last place I worked, which is three weeks ago. I have no idea how he knew that I weren’t there so I ended up quitting. I just wanna go to where nobody knows anything about me. I just wanna start over. I don’t wanna have any connection. I don’t wanna be near this person. He has been a demon in our lives and not a good man to my son or me… and I hate that I put my son through this as well. I’m just trying to get up enough to relocate at this point. I don’t even care if I leave the country.. He was very abusive to a very sweet and kind woman who gave him a child that he asked for, but he just couldn’t be faithful no matter what… my soul ache so bad because I wanted a good family and this is not what I want for my son to have to see his mother go through. and yet I still can’t hate him because the Lord told us not to hate, but I do feel like it’s the next thing to hate if you can find it in your heart to please support me and my son. This will be the best thing the Lord can bless me with right now at this time.