Just when you’ve given up on finding your soulmate; your kindred spirit; your twin flame; your ride or die… that person comes busting into your bubble & will not let you say “No”! I claim I did not fall for this tall lanky cowboy… I swear he tripped me! Thank God he did… We found our way to each other in our 40’s, after each surviving previous marriages & bowing to never pull that trigger again… we were both wrong. We shared 11 of the most unbelievable & unforgettable years together before he was wildly unexpectedly swooped away from me. He suffered a debilitating injury at work; 2 months later I was 100% disabled with an on duty injury; 2 weeks later Covid happened. Our prior income left us ineligible for any type of assistance or unemployment compensation. Survival of the next 3 yrs entailed emptying our savings, cashing in what retirement we had managed to tuck away, maxed out credit cards, had our vehicle repossessed, then began selling our personal items. I still have no clue how we made it. Finally, I was approved for SSDI & $23/mo food stamps. I had been in great need of reconstructive surgeries from my injuries; but not being able to”life threatening” or “life saving” procedures…I was put on the back burner due to COVID restrictions. This diminished my mobility to a wheelchair & my injuries were now deformities. As a career paramedic first responder, this lack of mobility was devastating. Then I lost him… this career life-saver was completely useless as I performed CPR on the love of my life for 38 minutes (obliterating what was remaining of my hips) before working first responders arrived on scene. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t run. I couldn’t save him. I lost him. He died in my arms & there was nothing I could do to change that. After all we had managed to endure together, the following weeks left me forever numb, with no hope for humanity. It time was just before his birthday, & right between Thanksgiving & Christmas, in the midst of a dreadful Texas Winter Storm. My oldest son had come to take me to his home while I planned the memorial. During these few weeks, our shop was destroyed, our home was burglarized, our remaining vehicle vandalized, then being totally void inside & out / unable to process this whole matter… I was evicted & given 3 days to gather what was left of our life together, in sub-zero temperatures, ice everywhere, no power, no water… from a wheelchair. Somehow I managed to still be here today, after couch surfing & disagreements between friends, family & ex-in-laws. I have had 7 of the surgical interventions performed thus far; with the certainty of 5-7 more to go. Day to day life continues to be an unrelenting struggle. I’ve managed to get my truck somewhat running, my belongings finally at least in the same county, & have financed a utility building I am attempting to turn into a tiny home for me to live in. It is just 10’x20’, but 30+ years as a first responder has made the skill to “adapt & overcome” an art form. But it’s by far not an easy task. Miraculously ends find a way to meet each month & my little home is slowly coming together. I have to rely upon materials I can find, borrow, or beg for to create my little corner of the world. I have furniture & clothing. Food is difficult but manageable. My barriers: Insulation Electrical wiring & fixtures Plumbing $ fixtures Walls & floors Assistive ramps & aids Appliances (they stole my refrigerator, stove & washer) My daddy was a carpenter & taught me to be pretty handy with building & fixing things. I’m just lacking the things or the ability to acquire them. Going out together in a blaze of glory is no longer an option. I am left simply blazing my own trail alone. One moment at a time. Until we are together again 🌻