My name is Brittany, I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and been having a rough year. I lost my fiancé about 4 years ago, and ever since things have been rough. I got into drinking and then into drugs and became an addict. I was deeply depressed and not wanting to live life anymore. Partying going out, doing just about anything I could to ignore my personal mental issues that we’re currently going on daily. I was just living recklessly. An old friend came back into the picture and was just as depressed as me and we became co dependent on each other just both going down hill. He’s been an addict for far longer though, 15 years. We both just numbed our feelings and ignored our personal issues going on. Come February of this year we found out we were expecting, he’s tried rehab before and it always failed. My father has been an addict all my life and always said rehab was for quitters and so I didn’t have much hope for it neither at first. I continued doing what I was doing and didn’t have high hopes for the baby making it honestly. Just was another thing I tried to ignore. But weeks kept passing and the baby stayed. So I started putting myself second for once and started slowly paying attention to my personal issues and decided to start looking into getting help. I knew doing so I’d have to take time off of work and it was overwhelming at first because I had so many bills, a big house, a car, all my belongings I’ve collected over the years, pictures and memories of my late fiancé. The house he died in, the dog I loved so much and has been by my side through the ups and the downs and never once judged me the whole 9 years I’ve had her, the mini pig I adopted in one of my manic episodes that I nursed since he was a baby and have been the only mother he’s known his whole year of life, I didn’t know what to do but time kept creeping by, so one day I woke up and said F* it and packed as much as I could and put it all in storage. Then we paid for a week at a weekly for my boyfriend to stay with the pets while I went to detox. Still didn’t think the baby was going to make it through that process but I knew I had to figure something out. 3 days in detox my boyfriend had issues with maintenance and they didn’t want the pig there and so I panicked and was trying to leave but a man there told me god had a plan for me and I needed to stay. Everything that was going on outside would still be there when I completed detox but that I needed to put my self and my health first for once and deal with all I’ve been ignoring for so long. So I called my boyfriend and told him the baby was still kicking and looks like he was staying so I had to do what I had to do and that was get myself better. I told my boyfriend to just let it all go at the hotel and to check himself into somewhere also and hung up. He was reluctant at first but 2 days later he also went and checked in somewhere. I was only planning on doing a week of detox but I had so much mental stuff I had to face first so stayed a month. I didn’t even really have anywhere to go when I got out anyways. But after that month I was more clear minded and healthy and ready to deal with it all. When I got out I was homeless for a month and a half couch surfing at random friends, I wanted to give in and use again but I knew it wasn’t just myself I was hurting at this point I had a whole other little human looking up to me to stay on track. The doctors eventually put me on high risk because I kept having contractions from all the stress so my mother in law allowed me to come stay with her, she’s been praying for her sons sobriety for the last 15 years and it’s never worked until now. We are both currently 5 months clean and sober and trying to just get back on our feet, the doctors say the baby looks healthy and we shouldn’t have any complications, I have been recently diagnosed with gastrointestinal diabetes and I’m still deemed high risk so can’t work, our car through a rod right when we got out of rehab so my boyfriend couldn’t keep a job because transportation has been a issue we live in a city where there’s no bus route and everything is at least 45 min walk from his moms. We’re both involved in parenting classes that helps us get some of the essentials for the baby but with my due date just around the corner we need all the help we can get. Addiction has been a battle but I am glad I was able to get into treatment and stick to it and I’m glad our son motivated my boyfriend to also stick to treatment and getting over this disease. My father also recently checked into a program and has been fighting his addiction the last 2 months! We still have a long road ahead of us but this new bundle of joy has been our biggest motivation I want to just provide him a great life. I know a lot of people reading this are probably going to be judgmental and put me down but it is what it is, I was messing up in life but I can admit that, I did put myself and this precious gift soon to come at risk and I regret that now, but I am very blessed that he has made it this far and is healthy. I am blessed I was able to get the help I needed early on in the pregnancy so he isn’t born with any withdraws or dependent on any substances. If you haven’t gone through this struggle either personally or with a close relative then you don’t know the battle I have fought. So please keep your judgments to yourself, and if you can’t donate anything at least say a little prayer for me and my family.