I’ve been struggling honestly my whole life with mental health and what helped me a lot after struggling during school and growing up was alcohol in my 20s but it’s finally not controlling my life because I finally got sober this month right before I turn 30 on the 19th so it’s really great and I’m happy about that. I’ve had a lot of financial support from my father in my 20s for paying bills that has recently gone away due to him being in retirement and focusing on his two daughters at home. I’ve gotten by my entire adulthood up until this year starting in January. I had a great cooking job but was laid off and became unemployed and living off unemployment for 6 months, and honestly I didn’t look for jobs much during that time because I didn’t want to work. I just wanted to drink everyday and didn’t care about my life. It got to the point where my unemployment no longer covered my bills and the loans and hand outs from family wasn’t enough to cover my rent and bills anymore, so I started actively looking for work. I’ve recently been seriously struggling to get even a message/email/call back from any employers when I’ve easily applied to 150 or more jobs in the last three months. I was lucky enough to find a temporary position that was not really getting me by at first but my roommate helped cover rent and bills that I couldn’t pay for with no complaint because I knew I’d make enough money from the job and told him I’d start being able to cover bills which going forward with the job would have covered my expenses. During early employment in my new position I had pinched my psiatic nerve and couldn’t get out of bed or move at all for two weeks, I told them I had to take time off thinking that I’d be back to work on Monday and I figured it would get better. I ended up having a severe nerve pinch for three weeks and was completely unable to work let alone move so I ended my employment with them thinking it was best not to waste there time before I got fired, but because I had just taken the job my unemployment has ended and since I voluntarily quit am not approved any longer. I have a very loving and amazing mom and sister. My mom was always emotionally available while my father is more jaded but he’s provided for me and my sister growing up, nevertheless my mother was always the one that me and my 31 year old sister had a deeper connection with. My sister has always had severe mental health issues, possible schizophrenia and manic depression, bipolar disorder and autism. Just recently my mother has been there for and basically taking care of my sister emotionally while she’s going through the most depressive time I’ve seen her in my 29 years of life. She has been constantly talking about killing herself and wanting to die recently and she’s attempted suicide twice in the last two months. She’s manic and is constantly texting my mom. My mom has to be available for her 24/7 on the phone while she’s working from home trying to figure out how she’s going to cover her back taxes and find her forever home and settle down before she gets too old. I’ve never had a “dream” but I’ve slays wanted to buy my mom a house and have peace of mind after living a hard abusive life. I feel so sorry for my mom and my sister apparently is finally getting the help she needs like severe professional help this week and I’m hoping she gets help before it’s too late but I love my sister so much and it’s really hard to see her like this and what it’s doing to my mom. Because of the stress my mom is going through I don’t really talk to her any my problems because she doesn’t need the extra stress and I really just have no one to fall back on but myself and I’m really excited to see the person I’m becoming and my future now that I feel like I’ve come to peace with a lot of my traumas and demons in my life and starting to finally have some self control and wanting to better myself. I just recently after daily drinking for two years and drinking heavily for the last 10 years got sober but It’s hard to feel happy about my accomplishment and my future when I am truly at the lowest I’ve been in my whole life. I’m almost homeless and I wasn’t able to afford any of my rent or bills this month and I truly have nothing to rely on and it’s completely because of my lack of drive, effort and responsibility leading up to this point that got me here and I’m understanding that finally at 29 I truly want to get my shit together and now that I want to get my shit together I feel like the world I’ve known is falling apart around me and I need to find a way out of this hole I’ve dug myself in before it’s too late. I’m really worried, scared and emotionally exhausted, drained and alone. I want to better my life and I’m going out all day tomorrow trying to sell all my things and finding businesses that will hire me immediately because I have no money and I need to start working so I can have a check in the next week. I’ve looked for odd jobs I’ve sold all my personal belongings and I have nothing left, physically, emotionally or financially. I’m truly so lost right now and I just love my mom and my sister so much. But I’m happy for myself I’m finally sober and alcohol isn’t controlling my life anymore. If you read all of this I really appreciate you and leave me a comment or something since I’m not sure how this website works. If someone out there is willing to help me I will be in your debt and I would love to return the favor or refund them at some point. My rent is 650$ and my utilities are 200$. I’m 2500 dollars in debt and money is constantly being charged from my account because of payments I owe. I’m supposed to finally be starting at target as soon as I get my social security card in the mail but have to wait for Monday before I can go into there office and request an appointment or a card in the mail which is going to take minimum two weeks and the position might be revoked by then so I’m scrambling to find work in the next week and especially tomorrow and every day after. I’m at the lowest I’ve ever been I’m so lost and I’m drained. I just love my mom so much and I want to become someone she’s proud of and I want to be happy. Anything helps even if it’s just kind words. Thank you very much for reading.
Thank you so much for reading my story