Give InKind helps answer the central question of how to give or receive support in times of need. Here, we consider how to set up a support page for someone who has recently experienced the loss of a pregnancy.
Providing broad guidance about how to address the loss of a pregnancy is difficult as no two experiences will be the same. People have very different journeys toward parenthood. Responses to the loss of pregnancy will depend on a myriad of circumstances. This guide is intended to serve only as a starting point from which individual family circumstances can be defined and addressed by members of their caring communities. Begin by identifying a close friend or family member in a position to speak with the bereaved about what needs they have, and how their community can offer meaningful assistance (See a sample Give InKind Support Page for the loss of pregnancy here).
The family situation will provide a good starting point from which to start building a care calendar and other support. Depending upon the gestational age at the time of a loss, an expectant mother may be emotionally and/or physically tired. Consider how to provide emotional support. Are there older children at home? Understand the general frame of mind of the woman who is coping with loss – make sure to listen closely. If she needs to regain physical strength, go ahead and give her space for that. Also, make sure to check in with a partner/spouse as they will also be processing this loss and may also need a little extra kindness.
Use the Care Calendar to add as many actionable items that are needed to help care for the partner and family.
- Food: Meal trains and groceries for the family are perennial favorites as far as calendar items. Food tends to be of particular importance to a family with children as appetites following a loss are variable. Consider whether there are any food allergies, preferences, or aversions. Are groceries necessary? If there are older children in the household, include healthy snacks in grocery or food drop-offs.
- Childcare: (If applicable) If there are older children to consider, you can easily build that into the Care Calendar. Sign-ups may include things like childcare, extracurricular activities, fun excursions, and more. Some parents who have experienced a pregnancy loss take great comfort in caring for their older children. Others need a little space to process. Frequently, it’s a little of both – gently asking what feels best is appreciated.
- Pet Care: (If applicable) Are there pets to care for? It may be helpful to make temporary arrangements for necessary dog walks, feedings, or pet-sitting.
- Home Services: From maintenance appointments, to house cleaning, use this category for any home services that they may not be able or ready to handle on their own.
- Other: “Other" is the ultimate catch-all category. This is a great way to create opportunities for connection that can sometimes get lost in the shuffle of a crisis. “Other" can be used for support like a meet-up for the spouse (who is so often not considered in the rubric of pregnancy loss) or a night in with friends.
People will have different financial circumstances. Some people who may be coping with (secondary) infertility may have medical bills as a result of treatment. Take a few moments to learn whether there is a need. If there is such a need, simply enable the fundraising button on your Give InKind page and connect your PayPal and/or GoFundMe account.
The Give InKind Wishlist is another opportunity for others to meaningfully support a person who lost their partner. Browse Give InKind’s curated list for suggested items that could help in their unique situation. When you see an item that could be helpful, use the “+" icon to add to their Wishlist.
You may also add an existing Amazon Wishlist to your Give InKind page.
Use Give InKind’s do-not-disturb section to let others know about the recipient’s communication preferences. Keep in mind that these preferences can be easily turned on or off as a situation changes.
- Phone Calls: Does the recipient want to communicate with others? If so, what is the best way for others to reach out – a phone call or text? Asking about preferences lets them know they are being thought of even if they aren’t always up for talking.
- Visitors: Does the recipient mind visitors or would they prefer some alone time? If so, use the Special Notes section to clarify.
- Flowers: Is the recipient open to receiving flowers? Flowers represent different things to different people, so we recommend asking what their preference is.
Add unlimited updates to keep friends and family informed. This is a great place to designate a third-party to act as the family spokesperson for updates, if necessary.
There is no “right" response to pregnancy loss, nor is there any “right" thing to say. Listening and showing up means a great deal. Begin there, and the rest will follow. Create your Give InKind Support Page here.
Give InKind does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We have an affiliate relationship with many of the advertisers on our site, and may receive a commission from any products purchased from links in this article. See Terms & Conditions.